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What’s your story? Is it what you want it to be?

2017-01-23-11-09-26We’ve been talking about the development of “I”, how each of us develops from the inside out – from I to WE to US.

We’ve expanding a bit on how important it is that “I” be our focus for changing the World.

That’s why your story is so important.

Not so much the “details” or reality. It’s about the story you play out in your head; the one you tell yourself every day.

It is reflected in the life you live, the relationships you have, and what you think about others.

It’s true.

We judge others harshly as a reflection of how harshly we judge ourselves.

We often put others down for the things we fear most are true about ourselves.

We are patient and understanding with others when we understand the importance of patience in our own lives.

We remember how we have been treated with grace and kindness when we didn’t necessarily deserve it and we reflect that back to others in their moments of “grumpy” or rude.

It’s about our focus.

It’s about the story we tell ourselves; our perspective.

The best example I know is my own journey with MY life story…

Version 1

I was born into a family where drugs and guns were the family business.  It was a world of violence and chaos.   Survival was the name of the game.  I was all that was left of my immediate family by the time I was six having lost my mother, two brothers, and a sister.  What saved me was the color of my skin.  My mother was full blood, Native American, and my siblings all had her creamy brown skin.  With a Caucasian father, I was lighter.  I was whiter.  In the era, they were easily dismissed; another dead Indian.  I was not so disposable.  That was what allowed me to survive; the color of my skin.  I came to grips with my survivor guilt much later as I learned that this was white privilege.

As a child of 7 I was a mule, running drugs for the adults in my world.  By 10 years old I was a full blown addict, a myriad of drugs at my disposal.  At 15 I was taught to steal cars.  This was my contribution to the family business, my initiation into what I could do to ensure my survival.  That’s where I learned to drive like I stole it.  Long before the first stolen car, I knew this wasn’t the life I wanted to live.  This was not what I was meant to be or do.  I fought to find a way out.

All I saw, my entire focus, was that I was simply an inner city thug with a lot of smarts and no real direction. My life was led by my mistakes, by the idea that I was poor and could never get ahead. I was lost in my story.

Until, I changed my story.

Version 2

I was born into a family of entrepreneurs.  It was a tough business and tragedy hit our family hard.  In my first six years I lost my mother, two brothers and my sister.  What I was left with was the strong awareness that my mother loved me, that I was loveable, that the world had a bright spot and I belonged in it.  These were important lessons!

Throughout my childhood I was given more and more responsibility in the family business.  By the time I was 15 my initiation had begun.  I quickly realized this was not the business I wanted to inherit, not the legacy I wanted to live.  In time, I recognized the gifts this early entrepreneurial life offered me and applied it to new business ventures.

As a result, I am a successful business woman who knows how to move product, how to market to my people, and how to say things in a way that can be heard. My childhood has served me well.

Can you see how my destiny was actually within my reach – within MY power?

For a long time, I blamed others, I blamed my history, used it as an excuse.

People like me don’t get ahead.

If I had been born into a different family.

I never had a mother.

The school system was just a warehouse – it failed me.

It’s really not my fault. Look where I came from…

I am poor, uneducated, and no one cares.

This has been the MOST impacting choice I have ever made:

to change my story.

It allowed me to take back my power, to step into it and to use all my gifts – my way.

I learned how to hustle on the corner – marketing in a business isn’t much more than that hustle.

People have always liked me. I like most people.

I wonder what would happen if I went to school and learned how to apply the things I do well?

It really IS all about ME.

I am smart, successful, and motivated.

I also have huge compassion for others…

You never know their story – what are the demons they carry with them? What’s their story? What’s their glory?

What about you?

What’s your story?

What’s your glory?

How do you reflect it as you live your life today, every day?

Is it what you want it to be?

I look forward to hearing about it in the comments below.

Or maybe we should start a FB group? If that idea appeals to you, let me know in the comments too!

Until next time!

With Respect,

Leah

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Want to go on a journey with me to change the World?

ctw-rainbow-snow-diamondLast week I gave you a little taste of the concept of Selfish Altruism. Today, I’d like to expand on that thought, show you how it is really the power to expand the World – to improve the state and condition of all we know.

Really!

Let’s talk about this idea.

SELFISH ALTRUISM.

Remember, your healthy development starts with you.

It then encompasses you in your interpersonal relationships.

And, finally, it becomes you in your community and World.

Let’s take something as simple as respect.

The World could use a little more of that, wouldn’t you agree?

Okay. Let’s say every person as far as you can see or travel learns how to first respect themselves. They master the tools and the strategies that allow each individual to make the best, most self-respectful decisions, act in the most self-respectful ways, and find themselves in a grand place of healthy self-worth.

From there, the logical development is for each of those individuals to also master the skills and mindsets to truly respect others. Every decision, every behavior is now completely respectful of the individual and all the other people around any one individual. Everyone operates from an elegant place of healthy human respect.

Now each of these individuals, fully engaging with all the other individuals, also learns the skills and strategies to be respectful of their communities, the World they live in. The decisions are made from a perspective of what is communally respectful, what allows for the individuals within any full ecosystem to be the very best they can be. The result is an amazing place of respectful existence; maybe even Nirvana!

What do you think might happen?

Where might that actually begin? Today?

Oh, yeah.

It starts with me.

I invite it to also start with you.

Want to go with me on a journey to change the World?

Who’s in?

Comment below!

With Respect,

Leah Kyaio

#selfishaltruism #wecanchangetheworld #itstartswithme #withrespect

Selfish Altruism – everything IS about ME.

I have a perspective that each of us can only give what we have, what we possess, own, or hold.

Seems logical –

  • If my bucket is empty, I can’t give you anything out of it.
    • If the bank account registers as $0, there is nothing to spend.
      • If my gas tank is empty, the car can’t go anywhere.

I have discovered that translates into my own “accounts.”

  • I love others to the same depth and breadth that I love myself.
    • I can only care for others to the degree that I am healthy.
      • I have to put on my own oxygen mask first, or I die. Dead people can’t help others.

It is in the development of me that I am a better parent, spouse, employee, committee member,

… a better person.

When I look around the World at all the things I perceive as wrong,

all the things that are unjust,

the things I want to change…

I can feel overwhelmed. That quickly turns to helplessness, even hopelessness.

“What can I do?”

That’s where it begins, this idea of Selfish Altruism, because the only thing I really have control over is me – and that’s on a good day!

Selfish Altruism is built on the concept that by taking care of me and my needs, I can help support you and my community. From a healthy “I”, I can change the World.

It starts by understanding, we all develop from the inside out:

first clearly developing and defining who “I” am,

….which informs and allows me to develop interpersonal relationships between “we,”

….and through those interpersonal relationships, developing, defining and impacting our “us” – our communities and World.

It’s not a linear development, however. We continue to circle back from the middle to the outside, always starting with “I”.

It looks like thisarrow-down

i-we-us-spiral

That spiral continues throughout our lifetime: from infancy to toddler-hood where,  we learn all about what “I” can do.

Through our relationship with parents, family and friends we learn about “we.”

Through interactions in groups like preschool, church, or community, we learn about the bigger World, “us.”

Then we go to school.

We learn more about what “I” can do.

Then about the interactions between peers… “we”

      then how our classroom and school is impacted by “us.”

Then we go to Junior High, High School, College or Post High School, First job, hooking up, getting really attached, maybe kids, empty nests, retiring…..

The spiral repeats.

Each time the most important focus is the “I” (See that little red asterisk? That’s where it starts.).

THAT’S how it works. Our “I” is the center of all we know, understand, believe, do, and expect.

Not all of us got this started well. Abuse, illness, drama and trauma….

Our childhood, our experiences…  sometimes they get in the way of truly loving ourselves, valuing who we are and what we have to offer.  In turn, that’s gotten in our way of healthy relationships with others and our World.

But that’s okay.

Together, we can change that, right here!

I’d like to take you on this journey with me of acquiring and using the skills we need to respect and love, first and foremost ourselves.

Loving others, changing the World… those things will come naturally as our “I” gets clearer, stronger,

Together we will grow in our self-love, self-respect, and self-worth.

It’s a journey I’ve been on for awhile. I want to share what I’ve learned and I want the opportunity to learn from you (that means you have to comment, BTW) so we can move forward in big ways – together.

Together we will build a community of healthy people ready to support and expand and change the World.

It starts with you, with your commitment to your “I”.

It’s a big commitment to yourself.

Are you ready?

Are you worth it?

After all, it REALLY is all about ME!

Hit the comments below to let me know you’re in. I will comment back!

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And thanks!

With Respect,

Leah R. Kyaio